rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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