Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
