:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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