we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
