dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
