Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
