Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
