youre lurking in front of me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
