I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
