I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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