Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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