I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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