Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
