My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
