Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
