We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
