some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
