So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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