I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
