I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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