if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
