Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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