I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
