Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
