I wish my penis had an off switch
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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