He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
