she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We are two peas in an std pod
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
