I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
