Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
