No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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