One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
