i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
