We won't sleep together?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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