We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
