she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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