I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
