whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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