porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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