I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
