Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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