6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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