You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
