So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
