If that was your dad, he is hot
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
