it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
