i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
