Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
