That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
