my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
