i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
