i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
