I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
