the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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