Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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