wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
