last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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