Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
