JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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