why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
