Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
