Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
