He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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