So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
