Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
