Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
