i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
