Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
