Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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