omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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