whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
