I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
