you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
