...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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