There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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