That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
