i will never coherently bang her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
