I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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