I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
